I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
