Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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