I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have tasted many bathrooms
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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