No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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