I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
