There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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