when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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