I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I believe in your delicious
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
