I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
