Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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