don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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