On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to make out with him forever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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