Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
