I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
