My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have already put on my inside pants.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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