Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
