considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
