cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize