I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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