What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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