Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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