i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
