I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
