So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
