you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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