I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
cat food counts as protein by the way
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
