my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
