if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
