I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
