Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
