I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could fuck to npr.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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