'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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