dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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