I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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