you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
