if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
