I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
