the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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