i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
