I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
