Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
