i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
