it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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