She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
