i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
