1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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