They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
