it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dear god my vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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