My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
