I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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