I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
