know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
