Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
