My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
