thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
