nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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