I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
