fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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