Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
