I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
