I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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