I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
