so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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