I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
