I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
