Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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