i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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