How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
